Last week, I talked about the history of Oakland Cemetery and its different sections. This week, I’ll share the stories behind some of the graves and highlight some of my favorites.

Neoclassic is the prominent style seen at Oakland. Many of the monuments reflect the Victorian era in which they were created. Certain symbols are featured that have special signifigance.

Until I visited Oakland, I had never seen stone “pillows” like these. They were meant to represent the eternal rest the deceased had entered.

These “pillow” grave markers are quite common at Oakland.

The images of a tree trunk or a pile of cut logs are ones I’ve seen before. Some say this represents a life cut short.

This grave is for a little girl, Elizabeth Grisham Brown, who died barely past her first birthday.

The graves of Mollie Cash Neal and her daughter, Lizzie, are a much photographed stop for many (including me) who visit Oakland. Thomas Benton Neal, a Confederate Civil War veteran, had the monument made in memory of his wife and daughter. Lizzie died quite young, only 23, and her mother died only a few years later. This beautifully carved monument contains symbols commonly seen in that time.

Monument to Mollie Cash Neal (left) and her daughter, Mary Elizabeth Neal (right), in Oakland Cemetery.

Mollie, seated on the left, has a book (possibly the Bible) open on her lap. Some say this reflects her spiritual maturity in contrast with that of her youthful daughter, who has a closed book on her lap. Mollie is looking up, possibly with her eyes on Heaven.

In contrast, Lizzie, on the right, is looking down. She is holding both a wreath and a palm branch. The wreath is thought to represent eternity while the palm branch stands for spiritual victory over death. Behind the pair stands a Celtic cross. Since the Neal family had Irish roots, this makes perfect sense.

Some monuments are just stunning to look at. The one for Mary Glover Thurman is one of them. She came to Atlanta with her husband, Dr. Fendall Thruman, as a new bride in 1855 when he set up a dental practice. Together, they cultivated an amazing flower garden known throughout the city. Their lavish home was located where the Biltmore Hotel now stands.

The statue is very similar to one originally done by Daniel Chester French that is in Woodlawn Cemetery in New York.

After Dr. Thurman died, Mary started giving her beautiful flowers to neighbors and sick friends. She frequently took flowers to the sick in the local hospitals, earning herself the name of “The Angel of Atlanta”.

The statue is said to be based on a design of a very similar sculpture by Daniel Chester French, who is best known for the seated Abraham Lincoln centered in the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. French’s sculpture is part of the Angie Kinsey monument in Woodlawn Cemetery, which is located in the Bronx in New York City.

Other monuments are more humorous than solemn. Jasper Newton Smith’s mausoleum would fit that category. A statue of him reclining in a chair sits on top of it, a rather dour expression on his face. Local lore claims that Smith had a great aversion to neckties due to getting his neck caught in a vine and nearly choking to death as a child. When he commissioned sculptor Oliver W. Edwards to carve his statue, he forgot to tell him to leave off the necktie (which was a wardrobe must in those days). Upon seeing the completed sculpture, Smith supposedly refused to pay until Edwards had chipped off the offensive necktie.

Jasper Smith abhorred neckties so he insisted his statue not have one.

The real story, told by Edwards’ daughter many years later in a letter to the Atlanta Constitution in 1982, is that her father created a plaster model of Smith to go by that did have a necktie as part of it. When Smith saw it, he smashed it with his cane and proceeded to sit down so Edwards could measure his features to create the final work, which was sans necktie. She claims Smith was pleased with the final result.

Some graves are just eye-catching in their style. The colonial brick tomb of Mary Helena Lynes Donehoo is one of them. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.

Mary Donehoo’s tomb is definitely one that gets your attention.

The last notable gravesite I want to feature is the W.A. Rawson mausoleum. Atlanta mayor Charles Collier is interred inside. So are award-winning writers Julia Collier Harris and her husband, Julian LaRose Harris. Julian was the son of Joel Chandler Harris, famous author of the Uncle Remus tales. This couple published the Columbus (Georgia) Enquirer Sun and won the 1926 Pulitzer prize for their editorials and articles about the Scopes Monkey Trial and the Ku Klux Klan.

The notable people interred inside would make this mausoleum notable on its own. But the stained glass circle containing a dove with an olive branch in its beak makes it a must see.

The dove symbolizes peace and the spirit, like a bird in flight, rising to Heaven.

There are simply too many graves and too many fascinating stories for me to share in a few blog posts. That’s why I can now say, as so many others do, that you have to see and experience Oakland Cemetery for yourself.

Afterward, you can cross the street to enjoy a cold beverage at the aptly named pub, Six Feet Under. If you took the guided tour of Oakland, show them your receipt and they’ll take 20 percent off your bill.

Not a bad way to wrap up a day of hopping, is it?

When I talk to people about cemetery hopping, I am almost always asked the same question.

Have you been to Oakland Cemetery yet?

In Atlanta, Oakland Cemetery is the Vegas of cemeteries for hoppers. The biggest, the most historic, the most amazing views of the city. You name it, Oakland has it all.

Oakland Cemetery is not just a cemetery for the dead. It welcomes the living to visit and enjoy the beauty of the place.

Until a few weeks ago, I admit that I hadn’t been there, although it wasn’t a lack of desire. I wanted to wait until spring when the place had shaken off its winter gloom and the flowers had started to blossom. And there are just some cemeteries you want to visit without having to wear long johns.

Sarah joined me that day and with my list of Find A Grave photo requests in hand, we headed out. That is one of the great qualities of Oakland. They are not only willing to help you find the location of a grave, they get as excited about it as you do! I know of no other cemetery like this and it is a real treat. Part of it is because their goal is to preserve history and share it with others. They don’t sell plots any longer and they only have a few burials there a week.

Here are some facts about Oakland Cemetery:

– It began as six-acre City Cemetery in 1850 but was renamed Oakland Cemetery in 1872.
– By 1867, it had expanded to its current size of 48 acres due to the need for burial space after the Civil War.
– More than 70,000 people are buried there, many of them Confederate soldiers.
– African-Americans were buried apart from whites and Jewish sections were separate from Christian.
– Twenty-seven Atlanta mayors and six Georgia governors are buried at Oakland.
– Two of the most visited graves are Margaret Mitchell (author of Gone With the Wind) and golf legend Bobby Jones.
– The last burial sites were sold in 1884, but occasionally one will come up for private sale/auction.

The first thing you notice about Oakland is the sheer size of the place. It is HUGE. Getting a map at the Visitor’s Center is a must. Taking a tour is also a good idea or you’ll miss some of the hidden gems the place possesses.

Part of the Jewish section of Oakland. Our guide told us that years ago, a synagogue would purchase a large plot and then sell small sections of it to members of their congregation so that they might be buried close to one another.

The Graves family has the only mausoleum in Oakland’s African-American section. Antoine Graves, principal of Gate City School, moved in the elite circles of Atlanta’s black community.

There’s also a large area strictly for Confederate Civil War dead. Some of the graves have names but many do not. This is the final resting place for about 6,900 Confederate soldiers, including 3,000 unknowns. Many soldiers had been brought straight from the battlefield to Atlanta hospitals. Those that died from their wounds were buried at Oakland.

This is just one of several sections of Confederate graves.

This grave was a photo request for Find a Grave. The roots of the tree have grown around the headstone.

You might think locating a Confederate grave would be difficult but they are actually easier to find than those of the civilians. The folks at Oakland can tell you, first, if the soldier has a marker. Some soldiers were buried without them. If the soldier you seek does indeed have a marked grave, they can tell you the exact section, row number and grave number.

In case you were curious, not everyone buried at Oakland had the money to purchase a plot. Almost six acres were set aside, mostly for the indigent. About 7,500 people are buried there. As the Oakland Web site says:

This is Potter’s Field, where no differences of religion and race ever mattered. A single monument commemorates them all. Potter’s Field is a favorite spot for Frisbee and other games—faithful to the Victorian intention that cemeteries should be enjoyed by the living.

That’s another thing about Oakland that separates it from many cemeteries. The public is not only allowed but encouraged to enter the gates and enjoy the space. In addition to Potter’s Field, there are two public areas set aside for this purpose. When Sarah and I were there, a number of people were having picnics there. We also saw a few joggers, some people were on bikes and a photography class was taking place. We even caught sight of a few couples smooching on benches.

There’s one grave located at the corner of one of the public spaces that was completely unplanned. This brings up what I consider one of the most surprising stories about Oakland: the death and burial of former Atlanta Mayor Maynard Jackson.

Atlanta Mayor Maynard Jackson’s grave was beautifully decorated for Easter.

Maynard Jackson was the first African-American mayor of the city of Atlanta. He served three terms (1974-82 and 1990-94). He was also a prominent face during the Atlanta Child Murders (1979-1981). There are few people my age who do not remember seeing him on the news at that time.

The former mayor seemed to be going strong in 2003 when he was on a business trip out of town. Unfortunately, he had a heart attack at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. While in an ambulance transporting him to a nearby hospital, Jackson suffered a second heart attack, this one fatal.

According to our guide at Oakland, Jackson (like many people) had no funeral or burial plans whatsoever. No plot had been purchased, nothing. So the city fathers had to scramble to figure out what they were going to do about it. With Oakland’s approval, they were able to have him buried there, his grave literally facing toward downtown Atlanta. It just goes to show that even someone as famous as Maynard Jackson can put off planning his funeral/burial.

Another interesting story is about the only grave marker for a pet bird at Oakland. Tweet the mockingbird was a beloved companion to Molly Weimer. When Tweet died in 1875, Molly asked if he could be buried by her plot. Oakland does not normally allow pet burials but Molly got permission. She attempted to hire a stonecutter to carve a mockingbird to grace Tweet’s grave. He was not up to the task, however, so the statue of a lamb was used. They are often placed on the graves of children.

Tweet’s is one of two marked graves of a pet in Oakland, but there are stories about people who had their pets secretly buried in their plot beside them.

Next week, I’ll talk about some of Oakland’s more eye-catching graves and the symbolism they represent.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Church Chicks. As we’ve gotten older, we’ve gotten busier. Four of us are married with little roosters, I mean, sons to chase after. Others have demanding jobs and engrossing hobbies. One of us is far away in Michigan (and greatly missed).

But when one of us endures a loss, we can count on each other to drop whatever we’re doing to provide support and plenty of Kleenex. While none of us are a beautician or a grumpy old bat, we do resemble the gals in Steel Magnolias at times. We’ve shared so much over the years, good and bad, that it’s only natural that we stick together when someone we love dies.

The Steel Magnolias have nothing on us. I am pleased to say we have yet to resort to slapping each other after a funeral.

Out of our group, I was the first to experience the death of a parent. Like so many people, I couldn’t imagine my life without my father in it. He had endured Parkinson’s disease, mini strokes and eventually dementia. So I knew his death would be sooner rather than later. I was just hoping it would be much later than it was.

One of my favorite pictures of me and my Dad.

At the time Dad died, I was living in Nashville, Tenn., a newlywed of only four months. Fortunately, we were able to be with Dad when he passed. I moved in something of a fog in those days just after he died. By the time the funeral came, however, it was beginning to hit me.

I knew some of the Chicks would be at the funeral. Because I had decided to deliver one of Dad’s eulogies, I was too wrapped up in getting through the service to notice which ones were there. But when I walked down the church steps toward the limo after the service, I saw every single one of the Chicks standing beside it, waiting to give me an enormous group hug. You cannot know how that warmed my heart, that they had come to support me that day. I will never forget it.

As a humorous side note, Sarah says Dad’s funeral reminded her never to forget to put her phone on silent at such events. Apparently her cell phone went off in the middle of the service but I honestly don’t remember. That still cracks me up.

Beverly was the second one to lose a parent, her father having battled cancer. At the time, I was very pregnant and living in Atlanta again. The night I found out, I drove a good distance to get to her mother’s house. I knew one of us needed to be there. A few days later, most of us were at the funeral (one of us had since moved to Louisiana) and I know she appreciated our presence, even if we didn’t have much time to talk.

I’m not sure who would play whom but I think I have some of Shirley McLaine’s eccentric Weezer in me. But hopefully not in that “I’m a grumpy witch” kind of way.

Sarah had it the worst. She lost her father only four years after her mother died. Because both funerals were held in Oklahoma, the Chicks could not physically be there. But you can be assured we surrounded her in spirit.

But when Lisa’s father suddenly died recently, it took all of us by surprise. With the other deaths, each of us had at least gotten an indication that the end was coming. Lisa did not have that luxury, if you can call it that.

Within the span of a day or so, as we swapped e-mails, it was clear the Chicks intended on going to the memorial service. It was a good hour and a half away but that wasn’t going to stop us. Even the newest Chick mom, with a new baby rooster to care for, was coming.

We knew there would be little opportunity to actually talk to Lisa, but that wasn’t really the point. As they had for me, the Chicks wanted to be a physical presence of support that Lisa could see and take comfort from. Because you don’t always need words to know someone cares about you.

As four of us walked up to the church in Helen, Ga. on that Sunday, I could see the look of relief on her face when she saw us. The church was already packed with people but magically, a row that had been reserved for family was opened up to us. Later, we commented that God must have known that we ARE like family. The fifth chick arrived soon after.

Later, as we stood outside fussing over the newest rooster, Lisa came out and we were able to talk with her for a little while. It was clear she needed some “Chick Chat”. It’s hard losing your Dad. But when you have friends who have already been there and done that, there is great comfort in being surrounded by them.

The Chicks with, Jake, the newest baby rooster of our group.

Postscript: Sadly, Megan’s father passed away last week after strugling with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). As was the case with Lisa’s father, his death was sudden. Having made plans long ago, he chose to be cremated and have no funeral (although there will be two different celebrations of his life in the weeks to come). The Chicks will gather privately this Sunday, however, for some “Chick Therapy” as we like to call it and let her know we share her grief.

Because that’s what you do when there’s a death in the family.

It goes without saying that I have a great appreciation for Francis Ford Coppola’s Godfather trilogy. Except for Godfather III, which doesn’t really count. But let’s not get into that. If Godfather I or Godfather II is on TV, it’s a safe bet that I’ll drop what I’m doing to watch.

One of the most famous scenes in Godfather I is when an enemy family leaves two dead fish wrapped in Luca Brasi’s bulletproof vest inside some brown paper at the Godfather’s compound. Luca is the Godfather’s most faithful “enforcer”. Tessio (Abe Vigoda) gives the package to Sonny Corleone (James Caan) and explains, “It’s a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.”

“Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes” is one of the most quoted movie lines of all time.

While nobody would choose to die the violent way Luca Brasi did, burial at sea is a custom that’s been around for centuries. Even today, the scattering of cremated remains (known as “cremains”) at sea is quite common. But I’m not going to talk about that. It’s burial at sea of a body that’s much rarer and also more complicated.

In our corner of the world, the U.S. Navy does the lion’s share of burials at sea. One of the most noted and recent was the burial of Osama Bin Laden on the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson. According to the Pentagon, in accordance with Islamic practices, his body was wrapped in a clean, white sheet. It was then sealed inside a weighted bag, placed on a board and tilted so it would slide into the Arabian Sea.

When Beachboys drummer Dennis Wilson died in 1984, his wife (against the Wilson family’s wishes) made a special request of then President Ronald Reagan. She said she wanted to fulfill Dennis’s wish of being buried at sea. Reagan obliged and arranged for the U.S. Coastguard to take care of it.

It’s rare for someone who wasn’t in the military to get an official U.S. Navy burial at sea, but Dennis Wilson did.

You don’t have to be famous or a Naval veteran to be buried at sea. It can be a bit complex but the practice is becoming more common. Mother Jones contributor Dave Gilson wrote a very informative article in 2011 about it that I will reference heavily.

Ann Rodney is an environmental protection specialist in the New England office of the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)’s ocean and coastal unit, which oversees burials in American waters. In Gilson’s article, she said, “Ten years ago, I might get one or two calls a year about it. Now I get at least one call a week.”

While burials at sea are gaining popularity, this is not something you want to take on by yourself. There are legal requirements and regulations you have to follow. Fortunately, some boat owners have incorporated burial at sea into their business and can guide you through the process.

Gilson writes about Brad White, a 52-year-old licensed ship captain who has been depositing bodies in the Atlantic since 2005. His company, New England Burials at Sea, based in Scituate Harbor, Mass., does an average of six full-body burials a year and has 25 “pre-need” requests on file. He said it was in response to the increasing number of requests he’d been getting. He even handles full body pet burials.

A guest at a sea burial signs a shroud before it is placed in the ocean. You can see the weights that will be used beside the deceased. Photo courtesy of New England Burials at Sea.

White actually created his own biodegradable burial shroud. This harks back to the tradition of deceased British and American sailors who were wrapped in a sailcloth before burial at sea during the 18th and 19th centuries. Like they did, White uses weights as ballast to keep the body from floating back up to the surface.

According to Gilson, White said grommets in the shroud “help the body sink because air comes out. And when a body decomposes, body gases come out. It also allows sea life to go in and do what sea life does. What’s left after everything degrades are the cannonballs, and they make their own reef.”

White will accept a body that has been embalmed but prefers not to because of the effect the chemicals have on the water. He prefers to keep the process as environmentally friendly as possible. In addition, the EPA requires that all wreaths or flowers thrown into the water must be “readily decomposable in the marine environment.”

So how much does this cost? White’s full-body services start around $10,000 and go from there depending on what’s requested. You also have to notify the EPA within 30 days of the scheduled burial. There are regulations that specify exactly how far out you need to go and how deep the water has to be. Some states have different rules. You can learn more by reading Gilson’s detailed article.

Burial at sea in 1944 for the officers and men of the USS Intrepid (CV-11) who lost their lives when the carrier was hit by Japanese bombs during operations in the Philippines. Photo courtesy of the Naval Photographic Center of the National Archives.

The U.S. Navy refers to a body being buried at sea as “intact remains” and “casketed.” There’s a detailed process of whom they will bury and how they go about it. Norfolk, Va. and San Diego, Calif. are the only two ports of embarkation that handle this type of burial.

Contrasted with White’s practices, the U.S. Navy places the embalmed (required) body into a metal casket (with holes drilled in it to let air/gasses to escape) that is weighted down. Unlike White’s smaller boats, which enable him to slide the body gently into the water, Navy ships are much higher up. According to Gilson, Bin Laden’s body reportedly fell from the hangar deck of the Vinson, which is about 55 feet above the waterline.

Pallbearers for Cdr. Robert J. Sanderson (Ret.) conduct a burial at sea ceremony in 2004. Photo courtesy of the U.S. Navy.

Gilson points out the irony of the regulations involved. “The EPA will get on your case if you dump formaldehyde, a known carcinogen, into a stream or lake, but it won’t blink if you put a body filled with formaldehyde-based embalming fluid into the Pacific Ocean.” The EPA claims that because the ocean is so large, the chemicals are diluted and don’t have an impact on the ecosystem. I’m not so sure about that.

Interest in “green funerals”has definitely skyrocketed in recent years. That’s a topic I’ll cover in the future.

In the meantime, as you think about poor Luca Brasi, be comforted by the fact that the Corleones preferred their own family’s final resting place to be on dry land.

For The Godfather, Don Corleone’s funeral scene was filmed in Calvary Cemetery, Queens, New york.